beans, rain and inadequacy...

Prior to moving to Costa Rica, there were things that I knew I wasn't particularly fond of that are pretty much part of every day life here. But it's been interesting to see how change and growth has come and has been promised to come through some of these.

1. Beans. Black beans, to be more specific. A staple in any Costa Rican kitchen. Green beans are the only beans I like all the time. Black beans in particular have been my nemesis since we were first introduced. A memory I'm sure I've conveniently forgotten. It's baffled many a person that has been to Costa Rica before the incredible skill I have attained in being able to navigate around the infamous black beans. However, despite such a highly attuned skill, sometimes the feared encounter is inevitable. BUT, as of recently, to my own surprise and shock, I have actually stated, out loud mind you, that there have been some black bean dishes that I've actually enjoyed. And this may have come as a shock to many, so I will now include a short pause so that you may recover--------------------. It goes beyond that, I've even found myself walking by people's houses and smelling some tantalizing aroma wafting from their kitchen, realizing that is was in fact black beans and then having a desire to eat them! This is actually quite a large step in my life, as small or insignificant it may seem. My ability to eat and potentially enjoy one of the foods that is never lacking in a Costa Rican meal is quite exciting to me.

2. Rain. Rainy season has now begun in Costa Rica. And while I don't usually mind the rain, the fact that the morning can be sunny and beautiful and then out of no where a bunch of nasty storm clouds rush in and invite a downpour while you are walking (which at this time has converted into swimming because the streets morph into rapid moving rivers) home from the Post Office. This is not my favorite. And on top of it all, its unpredictable- I'm a little more accustomed to the Central Valley of California, which is a little more reliable. When it rains there, it's usually steady and has been overcast for the whole day. It doesn't rain in the summer- it's hot and dry all the time. I kind of prefer the predictability. BUT there are little things that I'm discovering that I actually enjoy about this rain. You get variety! Sun and rain all in the same day, a little bit of it all to make everyone happy. Also, the beauty of the rain. I love walking outside at dusk when it's not pouring cats and dogs, and sometimes even larger animals. I love when the sun is setting and the street lamps are coming on and the wet streets reflect the golden sheen of the street lamps, matching that of the sunset. It's pretty awe-inspiring....to me, at least. So, while I don't exactly come from one of those run outside in a storm, splash around in the puddles, rain-loving backgrounds, I'm learning to look for the beauty in it in my own way.

3. Inadequacy. This stands in a category on its own. While it still pertains to the topic of things I don't love experiencing in Costa Rica, it takes on a little bit of a different sentiment. In so many things here, some days on a multiple times a day basis, I have felt completely inadequate and incredibly frustrated in that. This seems to have been happening even more recently, since I've been working more at my site. I've begun working at a church in a little community called Las Fuentes. I'm the type of person who, work-wise, likes to be told what exactly to do and how to do it- like a formula or instructions. But there is no formula and no instructions in beginning something new in a place that is learning the whole partnership ordeal right along with us. There are some legitimate options for me to work in- things that we believe God's leading us toward, that will benefit the community. However, I have these feelings of incredible inadequacy. Who am I to come in and teach people, whether it be English or Biblical principles. I don't know how to do these successfully. And while sometimes these fears seem to override all rational thought, I know that it is Christ that works in and through us, bringing adequacy through our surrender and obedience to HIm. And although I have that knowledge, sometimes I have to pull it out of the corner of my mind, dust off the cobwebs and bring it into the light of truth and belief. Not always easy. There are some verses that I especially cling to when I find myself drifting towards the pity party located on inadequate feelings boulevard.

In regards to adequacy in receiving salvation and servitude: 2 Corinthians 3:4-6

"Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."

Talking about our weaknesses and God's strength in that: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

Isn't it amazing, yet heartbreaking at the same time, when God keeps using outside circumstances to teach you lessons that didn't penetrate your thick skull the first 35 times He spoke them? I had that experienced that in church this morning. It was comforting in a confirming sort of way but also startling in a swift kick in the pants sort of way. So, in the midst of juggling all these things in my head especially these last few days, the lady that gave the message in church this morning spoke on the first part of 1 Corinthians 3. She talked in great detail, siting other verses, as well, about how some plant seeds, others water, but God grows. As my dad likes to say, "the results are God's department." We need to be obedient and plant and water where He says, despite maybe our lack of receiving feedback or seeing direct fruit or even foreseeing fruit to come. The verses I particularly liked were 5-9:

"What then is Apollos? And what is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, even as the Lord gave opportunity to each one. I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth. Now he who plants and he who waters are one; but each will receive his own reward according to his own labor. For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building."

God is the one who purposes us in certain ministries to do the work/task that He's given us and equipped us for. And He is the one who grows the seedlings we've obediently planted. We may never know the growth stories of all the seed that was sowed in our work, but that is not necessarily part of our job. Sometimes, however, we do have the privilege of seeing how God has used us, in all of our inadequacies and weaknesses, to impact lives for His kingdom. And my prayer would be that in those times, God would receive all the glory and we would be just merely reflecting it back to Him.